Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I just had sex on a roof
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
