If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
