My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
