Whatcha textin bout Willis?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
