Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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