i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
