just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I am mentally ready for anal.
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