just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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