you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
