woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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