I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
