Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
