i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
