My room smells like vodka and shame
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
