jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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