i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
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