Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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