Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
