What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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