Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
