I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
