Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
