when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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