I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
