At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
be right there i have to get my cape
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
