Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
