there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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