a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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