When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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