my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Blood and glitter go together right?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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