ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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