and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
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