they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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