You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
