Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
