i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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