You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
