i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
