I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
