We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
