oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
