Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
