don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Randomize
