fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
