Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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