2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
