Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
