How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
