I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
