I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
