Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
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