I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
