Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Randomize
