moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
