Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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