Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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