You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
