If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
