My liver just broke up with me...
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
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