My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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