I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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