Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize