1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
