this beer tastes like vomit already
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
