i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
