i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
as a side note pls kill me
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
