also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
