I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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