fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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