Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
