sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
