I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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