someone get that fucking seahorse.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
