the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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