There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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