So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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