Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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