Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
