So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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