ya dads aren't the best wingmen
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Holy shit dude........stairs
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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