my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
