how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
