Barsexuality is the new black.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
