Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
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