I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
