Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
