Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I did not marry a roomba.
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