I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
