Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Come share oat with me in your robe
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
