i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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