omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
